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Dave

Flying Purple Hippos Presents: A Night of Age

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Last evening, August 10 2019, 5 FPHers got together to do something the likes of which we haven't seen in some time: Play Age of Empires. Two versions of it. It went pretty well.

Game One
Game: Age of Empires II: HD Edition
Rules: Random land map (small-ish), we got Continental, Conquest victory, normal whatever
Teams: Dave vs Soggyfrog, with Veggie, Elpea, and Mush on diplo
Civs: Dave (Incas), Soggyfrog (Japanese), Veggie (Mayans), Elpea (Celts), Mush (Goths)


Dave and Soggy on opposite sides of the map, with Elpea to the side on the left and Mush and Veggie to the side on the right. Mostly reasonable map generation except that two of Veggie's sheep spawned on Soggy's land, and I got one of Elpea's boars... Smaller than normal maps and 20 year old random map generation don't play well together.
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There's lots of water on this map, which means lots of fish. You should always fish, it's like having an extra TC making villagers. Soggy placed one of the worst docks I've ever seen though. Veggie's wasn't much better. Docks should stick out into the middle of a large body of water, where there are more fish.
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And then we all boomed forever. Dave fast castled, Soggy seemed worried about a rush so was a bit slower / more defensive. Veggie and Elpea were already market trading in Feudal, which was novel.

Elpea seemed to brilliantly predict that Soggy would raid him early instead of going for Dave, built some perfectly symmetrical stone walls to keep him out, then opened up the gate with his trade carts.
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Meanwhile Dave was all about the castles, and had Soggy running back home. No one tell Soggy the castles didn't have murder holes.
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Soggy had enough of the aggressive castle dropping, and started trebbing them down. The Kamayuks moved in to respond...
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And completely demolished everything. What the fuck?
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But Soggy had trebbed down Dave's forward castles, and combined with a BAXSTAB from Veggie, the attack was stopped.
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The Kamayuks engaged, and killed everything. They also killed Soggy's attempt at pushing Dave's castles while he was busy with Veggie, which Dave later criticized Soggy for not doing. But it turned out the Kamayuks just took care of it. These things are stupid good.
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They're even good at tearing down buildings, because their 1 range lets you attack with twice as many.
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With the Veggie uprising put down, Dave returned to fight Soggy, this time with his BFF 4 LYFE NO BAXSTAB buddy Elpea.
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The Final Battle... at least the final one that mattered. Once again, Kamayuks killed all.
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BUT WAIT! SOMETHING IS HAPPENING IN THE EAST!!!!! The Mush is invading Veggie!
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And he's... Winning!?
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He won.
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Back on the southern front, Dave killed Soggy all the way. BUT SOGGY ESCAPED BY BOAT, to the back of Mush's base! Soggy and Mush were allied, and Soggy and Veggie were allied, but Mush killed Veggie, and I don't even know what's going on that's the magic of diplo
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And then the Kamayuks killed Mush.
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And Soggy transported back to Veggie's burned down base.
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This is getting tedius, Dave and Elpea cleaned up what was left and didn't baxstab each other because they're BFFS 4 LYFE and never baxstab. The end. Mostly Dave beat up Soggy, and also everyone beat up Veggie.
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COMING UP IN PART TWO: Age of Mythology, including some normal 2v2 action, and then possibly the greatest new mode FPH has ever invented: KOTH UBL with team shared resources and population. It's wonderful and terrible at the same time. Mostly terrible. So terrible it's wonderful.

Edited by Dave
  • Dugong 1

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excuse me there is no mention of the three relics from veggie's monastery I took onto a boat for the journey to ATLANTIS

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Yes some people who didn't own the entire map apparently needed to trade or get relics or something for their gold idk

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and yes you can see my putative kamayuk counters (heavy infantry, archers) actually do fuckall

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If you had joined there would have been an even number of players (6) and we don't know how to make fair teams with that many, sorry

Also this was late at night Americatime maybe can we schedule something more eurofriendly

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5 hours ago, Shuskee said:

I wasn't invited?? Oh I see. I see how it is.

😝

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3 hours ago, Dave said:

If you had joined there would have been an even number of players (6) and we don't know how to make fair teams with that many, sorry

Also this was late at night Americatime maybe can we schedule something more eurofriendly

I'll pretend to understand now but bring this up in fights for months to come

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On 8/12/2019 at 9:56 AM, Shuskee said:

I'll pretend to understand now but bring this up in fights for months to come

@Shuskee and also @sacmaster because we apparently have a member with this glorious name

YOU ARE INVITED

TO A NIGHT OF AGE OF EMPIRES

BE THERE ON SLACK

IN 2 HOURS

 

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