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THE SILLONS HAVE BEEN ABREUVED

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putinleft.png281px-2018_FIFA_World_Cup.svg.pngputinright.png


Kickoff June 14, Russia 1 - 0 Saudi Arabia, 10:00 EST / 16:00 CEST.

The first two group stage matches are all at 8:00, 11:00 and 14:00 EST; that's 14:00, 17:00 and 20:00 CEST.
Except France-Australia for some reason, which is at 6:00 / 12:00.
Starting with the last group stage match, through the final, matches will be at 12:00 and 16:00 (Murca) / 16:00 and 20:00 (Yurop) instead.

Wikipedia Page ~ Official Schedule ~ News (Guardian) ~ Terrible Official Vids ~ Why is this this a thing


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Edited by Flint of Dark Flame
  • I'm with stupid 4

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GROUP A


"...not the glamour tie organisers might have hoped for" - Independent
"Russia and Saudi Arabia, the bottom two in the entire tournament, will play each other in the first match ... a strange way to set the tone." - Business Insider
"two bad teams" - NY Times
"a remarkably easy World Cup group" - Business Insider
"While there isn't a clear-cut Group of Death, there is one group that jumps off the page as being the easiest - the 'Group of Life,' so to speak." - Sports Illustrated
"Russias Group Is The Easiest In Modern World Cup History" - FiveThirtyEight
"The stat: 45 The age that Egypt goalkeeper Essam El-Hadary will be when the Pharaohs take to the pitch at Russia 2018." - FIFA, attempting to come up with something interesting about Group A

22px-Olympic_flag.svg.png Russia
Immensely horrible despite all the doping, probably because everyone else has better doping techniques than just dumping phosphorites into players' bloodstreams or whatever. As the host they will be awarded dodgy penalties and dodgy peninsulas by the Black Sea.

23px-Flag_of_Saudi_Arabia.svg.png Saudi Arabia
Literally the only country ever to lose to Germany worse than Brazil did in a world cup game is back! Cheer up at least its not fucking Qatar

23px-Flag_of_Egypt.svg.png Egypt
The quadrillion-time African champions somehow made it to the world cup for the second time since 1934 and now we'll just have to see if Mohammed "Sand Messi" Salah recovers in time to actually play in this chicken shit tournament

23px-Flag_of_Uruguay.svg.png Uruguay
The only cool and good team in the Americas


GROUP B


Traditionally, Portugal has a pretty good chance of survival by simply keeping relations over +100 with Castile/Spain. Don't overdo it with royal marriages or you'll get stuck in an Iberian Union. Morocco has a chance of survival if it manages to be enough of a dick with galleys off the Barbary Coast in the early game. Persia is a late game powerhouse, but needs to build up its manpower seriously to not get overrun once Castile decides it's colonising the entire Middle East, which for some reason it always does.

23px-Flag_of_Germany.svg.png Portugal
Portugal are the reigning European champions and this sentence alone should be enough to just fire Europe into the sun

23px-Flag_of_Spain.svg.png Spain
Probably the last tournament with the remnants of this Spain generation that trolled us for the entire decade. Just four more weeks, we can do this

23px-Flag_of_Morocco.svg.png Morocco
A whole bunch of Eredivisie players. Its almost as if the Netherlands are here!

23px-Flag_of_Iran.svg.png Iran
AGAIN!?

GROUP C


We might see some pretty cool matches, since all these teams like to actually play football. Peru has been on a rather awesome streak in qualifying. What's in the stars for the stacked France team, only the greatest astrologers like Domenech know.

23px-Flag_of_France.svg.png France
SIxOl1EraXA

23px-Flag_of_Australia.svg.png Australia
I dunno its still the same 50 year old dudes tournament after tournament after tournament

23px-Flag_of_Peru.svg.png Peru
Great someone let Sideways Austria in again *gets banned in 2002*

20px-Flag_of_Denmark.svg.png Denmark
Incredibly cool and good. Basically a worse Iceland

GROUP D


1024px-Thingvellir.jpg

23px-Flag_of_Argentina.svg.png Argentina
lmfao

21px-Flag_of_Iceland.svg.png Iceland
I've been practicing that chant for two years now, one hour every afternoon. I think I'm going to nail it when they lift the trophy

23px-Flag_of_Croatia.svg.png Croatia
I dunno they will either crash out in the group stage or win the entire thing, who cares

23px-Flag_of_Nigeria.svg.png Nigeria
Did you know that Nigeria has a heated football rivalry with Ghana? Me neither. Ghana neither.







GROUP E

22px-Flag_of_Brazil.svg.png Brazil
Appointed a coach who is not an utter retard to everyone's disappointment. Have a smaller jesus than some superior countries

16px-Flag_of_Switzerland.svg.png Switzerland
This troll project of a team and a country continues against all odds and for some obscure purpose

23px-Flag_of_Costa_Rica.svg.png Costa Rica
Whats ricer, costa or puerto? Are they even real places?

23px-Flag_of_Serbia.svg.png Serbia
Oh for fucks sake not this shit again

GROUP F


I thought I saw some incredibly desperate journalists trying to sell this as a group of death. Despite its undeniable grimness it's pretty hard to see any reapers tho

23px-Flag_of_Germany.svg.png Germany
I don't know if Ill watch any Germany games this time, I just feel I've already had my fair share of gross boogers being eaten in glorious 4k in my lifetime

23px-Flag_of_Mexico.svg.png Mexico
I like Mexico because every time they get eliminated it turns into the most amazing geyser of butthurtedness which nourishes my soul

23px-Flag_of_Sweden.svg.png Sweden
Absolute hero team which well support until we die or they get eliminated, which will take three games

23px-Flag_of_Japan.svg.png South Korea
A bunch of good-for-nothings who will never amount to anything. Also Sonny. Also the thing I'm looking forward the most this world cup is imagining Veggie's face as he has to rest his hopes in a hot spur

GROUP G

An incredibly interesting fact for you: every single game of this group is going to be a white team vs a red team, as everyone here has white or red first and second kits. Did you know that exactly a hundred years ago there was a massive red team vs white team thing in Russia too? It was pretty rad

23px-Flag_of_Belgium_(civil).svg.png Belgium
bad

23px-Flag_of_Panama.svg.png Panama
How bad do you have to be to not qualify from concacaf if they literally ended up sending Panama?

23px-Flag_of_Tunisia.svg.png Tunisia
Its like Morocco except on the opposite side of that bump thing on top of Africa. Yeah I dont know.

23px-Flag_of_England.svg.png England
How bad do you have to be to not qualify from uefa if they literally ended up sending England?

GROUP H


The BATTLE OF THE CONTINENTS features one important team from each continent, which is exactly unlike Group A. It's truly difficult to tell which of these teams has the most potential to utterly fuck up in a dismal fashion. It's very likely that someone from here will have to play England, which will create an implosion which will mercifully end the world.

23px-Flag_of_Indonesia.svg.png Poland
An utter tripewagon that tricked people into thinking they were ok in 2016 despite being bad

23px-Flag_of_Senegal.svg.png Senegal
Unbeaten champions at appearing an interesting team to watch while being in fact unbearably awful

23px-Flag_of_Colombia.svg.png Colombia
The entire purpose of this country was to provide that pun in Community season 1 episode 1. This purpose now fulfilled, it will never be relevant ever again

23px-Flag_of_South_Korea.svg.png Japan
http://i.imgur.com/B8Ve1.jpg

GROUP I


This genuinely could be described as a group of death - it's weird that we won't see some of these in the knock-out rounds. Italy has finally settled on a coach and will probably fight it out with the Netherlands (with Robben now in good shape) and Chile (although Sanchez hasn't been too great since his transfer and Vidal is struggling with a knee injury). Don't count the US out, too - well they are worse than the other teams but once again they produced a really neat world cup kit, so there's that.

23px-Flag_of_Italy_(1861%E2%80%931946).s Italy
The 2006 world champions should never be underestimated. They definitely have a chance to cause a huge upset here

23px-Flag_of_the_Netherlands.svg.png Netherlands
The squad doesn't look that good, but it didn't in 2010 and they ended up almost winning the thing so maybe they'll almost win again?!

23px-Flag_of_the_United_States.svg.png USA
The USA run is going to be so good, you're not gonna believe it. I've seen the tactical plans and they are just amazing. Would you like to see the plans? How much would you like to see them? They will blow your mind, they are so mindblowing

23px-Flag_of_Chile.svg.png Chile
The reigning South American champions are sure to show some ambition despite their minuscule width Edited by Flint of Dark Flame
  • I'm with stupid 3

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VENUES


Iceberg_Skating_Palace.jpg
Fig. 1: The unironically named Iceberg Palace will mostly be used in group stages

adler-arena-skating-center-9.png
Fig. 2: The Adler Arena is one of the better-known stadiums, but won't be used for the semis or finals because of probably putin

640px-Fisht_Stadium_in_January_2018.jpg
Fig. 3: The Fisht Stadium in the south has colors but not enough room to fit everyone in the semifinals

bolshoy-ice-dome-sochi-2014-winter-olympics-designboom-01.jpg
Fig. 4: The very Muscovite Bolshoy Dome gets a semifinal, but it's too warm here to play football

Shayba_Arena.jpg
Fig. 5: Shayba Arena Sha-Shay Away

Ice Cube Curling Center.jpg
Fig. 6: Located in the heart of Russia, the finals will be played in the Ice Cube Curling Center Edited by Flint of Dark Flame

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FAQ


Who's going to win this?
France

Should we just skip this one?
Yes, but also the next one is in literally Qatar, so maybe no?

Is another English referee going to ruin this?
They actually didn't allow any English referees in this time lmao

Is Mario Balotelli going to improve this?
No

How have they found 23 cunts in Portugal again?
It's a fucking mystery how a people so lovely can do this but I guess this is just where the best country sends all of their cunts?

Do we really need another Footy thread?
Shut up FM

Do we really need a thread to preserve our stupidity for all ages to come when we could just slack it?
Shut the FUCK UP elpea

Edited by Shuskee

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So you have to create your bracket, confirm it, then join league 0b7ac415

 

Meanwhile I have staked everything on the English and their inability to score by picking a TUNISIAN DEFENCE

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can someone please explain to non-euro footy-fans what's going on there

Edited by Elpeax

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O wow it's really neat that usa and mexico and canada are going to host 2026 together, no way any of these tiny-ass places could have done it by themselves

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Or maybe that way they don't have to spend a shitton of money constructing the necessary pitches?

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it's going to be a really boring 8 years without any slavery / corruption scandals :emo:

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Dan we can and have held a world cup on short notice for approximately free using our american football infrastructure. Just repaint the fields essentially. Including more countries removes competition and makes it a stronger bid. URI just did basically the same thing to get our new research ship, we got all the competition to join us.

 

Also Canada USA Mexico = #CUM2026

Edited by Dave

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