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Shuskee

Penguin Times 2018 Sleddog World Championship - summary

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Monday, March 12


THE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP ENDS

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You can't spell Sveg without Swag

By Quackhotep Wak-Re
After four days of nail-biting action, the 2018 WSA Sleddog World Championship in Sveg, Sweden has come to an end. We will all remember the event fondly; a time filled with yells of drunken Scandinavians, jingles of bells attached to sleds(?), and sarcastic whines of the huskies. TV audiences from other timezones will finally be able to get some sleep, while Europeans will finally stop watching illegal Chinese streams while at work.

As we all know, fifteen different events were carried out over the course of the illustrious Championship. Unfortunately the programme is only avaliable in Swedish so I have no fucking idea what any of them were. But I think there were like 2-, 4-, 6- and 8-dog sleds, and then some other weird sled events and like ski events. Skidog events. Did you know that "dogs" in Swedish is "hundarna?"

Anyway the tracks were pretty nice and you can see them all here. You can play out youtube videos of test runs and feel like you're there. Unfortunately the sprint track had to be changed because, I quote, "Due to alot of snow! we have had problem with or original trail for UL. A crossing over one lake is to risky due to poor ice condition. We have decitdd for this new trail today." I guess dog swimming hasn't been added to the event list yet

So anyway here is a list of all results. We have compiled them into a medal table. Please note that this edition of Penguin Times which you are presently looking at is possibly literally the only publication in the entire world with a complete 2018 WSA Sleddog World Championship medal table. Please take a moment to appreciate our journalistic standards. Yes it's in png. Because fuck tables in this code and also fuck you

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As we can clearly see Poland is an unstoppable sleddog juggernaut and all other nations should defer to it. The highest place any Dutchies got was fifth and all sorts of Americans and Canadians were presumably too shit to be invited, or maybe they follow like American rules sleddogging where you have to stop for a commercial break every five minutes

 

THE OPENING CEREMONY WAS GRAND

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https://www.facebook.com/wsawc2018/videos/1727387290656070/
fuckssakes no film it horizontally-- nooooo

By Guy Josselyne
But imagine the scope of my disappointment when we didn't get a doggy parade

Like an hour long march of huskies with tiny flags, arranged by country, walking around the stadium

Smelling butts of dogs from other countries in the spirit of universal camaraderie

Oh well at least we got a mushy oath

 

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https://www.facebook.com/wsawc2018/videos/1727392863988846/

"mush ally meeee" - traditional mushing oath



THE ONLY GOLD MEDAL THAT GERMANY WON THEY WON BECAUSE THEIR DUDE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO SHOWED UP AND HE RAN ALONE LIKE A NERD

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we stalked him on Instagram to get this photo

By Squealnefer Quu
Or maybe he was the only one brave enough to do it? Well let it be known that if I ever show up at a dog championship and I'm the only one that's running I'm absolutely running too, you're supposed to best yourself and shit.

Also you thought we were kidding about the skidogging thing. We were not kidding about the skidogging thing.

 

I WONDER HOW WELL DID DENMARK PERFORM

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queen margrethe are you 100% sure that this dog will do

By Qo Quaav
There was one guy from Denmark in one event. He did not finish. He finished second to last because there was one other competitor that did not finish earlier than him.

Denmark we seriously need to talk about your commitment to winter sports

Denmark you can't just play with legos all winter you need to get out take in some winter air, we're sort of worried about you

Denmark please

 

SHOUT OUT TO THAT ONE AUSTRALIAN DUDE

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we stalked him on local Australian news to get this photo

By Amenskitep
He took time off from his middle management job at a koala factory and went off to Sweden to fight for huskine glory. Australian media say that Swedish media say that people say that this is about as great as the Jamaican bobsled team.

We wholehartedly agree and can't wait for an Academy Award nominated documentary that's bound to be made about him sooner or alter. But mostly we need to know how does one travel with a husky sled and back between Australia and Sweden. Do you buy husky tickets for the whole flight? Do you take a steamer ship and take three months to get there? Do you attach floaters to huskies, a pontoon to the sled, and just mush away?

Tell us your secrets, Mr Herbst. Tell us

Edited by Shuskee
  • I'm with stupid 3

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DEBATE POINT: If a polish dog earns more medals than a polish human, should the polish dog also earn more potatoes in his pension?

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Update: First guy finished the Iditarod and didn't die. About 12 more teams are a day behind him, 8 have dropped out, and an incredible 58 are still running.

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It's a >1500km race with sled dogs through Alaska, and it's amazing, you shut your face.

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