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Europa Universalis 4

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Eh, the preorder DLCs are going to be like $1 for all of them in the Winter steam sale probably, so it's not that bad...

 

IS WHAT I'M TELLING MYSELF BECAUSE MY SCHOOL HASN'T GIVEN ME MY MONEY YET SO I COULDN'T PRE-ORDER IT :cry:

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I was going to make a peaceful naval empire from Brandenburg and a couple Baltic provinces but a coalition of tiny states just declared war on me. Also Bohemia is allied with me, this will be fun.

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Very well. This story begins in the unassuming Saxon kingdom of Brandenburg...

 

In the late autumn of 1444, the restless King Friedrich II set about building some armies using some money he got from his grandmother on his birthday. Being bored to death with one of his diplomats, the intolerable Eberhard von Merckatz, he hatched a plan to dispel with the loathsome fellow. To the north lay the coastal province, and if Friedrich II were able to get a hold of this province his grandmother might be very pleased indeed. Eberhard von Merckatz was thus dispatched to spread lies about why Mecklenburg really was not fit to rule over Mecklenburg.

 

King Friedrich II also had to foresight to marry his son Albrecht Achilles to the daughter of the lord of Saxe-Lauenburg, anticipating the potential that the young Albrecht Achillies Friedrich Saxe-Lauenburg-von Hohenzollern II would have to dizzy his opponents with the mere extravagance of his name. His Bohemian neighbours invited him over for pots of stew and getting along merrily they formed an alliance.

 

aar001.png

A voice in your head says, "Attack the Teutons!"

 

Neumark fell first, although the Teutons' glorious armies outnumbered Brandenburg's 2:1. With the Bohemians guarding our stash, and Poland obstinately refusing to allow the allied Teutonian-Livonian forces through to reinforce the exclave of Neumark, victory was inevitable. While waiting for the Teutons to change their minds, Friedrich seized Mecklenburg and a bunch of minors got pissed off.

 

aar002.png

As good a reason as any. Claims are stupidly easy to make in this game.

 

Friedrich found more ways to upset the minors.

 

aar003.png

They couldn't really do anything about it.

 

aar004.pngA punitive war? Kinky!

Eventually, however, they did manage to get some friends together, because Brandenburg are dishonourable scum.

 

aar005.png

 

By now, "It's complicated" with Bohemia.

Edited by Soggyfrog
  • I'm with stupid 3

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:gaydar:/> Denmark's geography totally sucks balls, screws them over in a defensive war :gaydar:/>

 

Screenies later when I actually have time to finish the war

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Welp. Tried a Gelre game to get to know the new mechanics. Didn't understand the new hitlerpoints system so had to deal with some punitive wars. Sucked up to burgundy while eating Munster, Utrecht and Friesland. Then Austria, who were lucky despite random lucky nations, promptly inherited all of burgundy, and proceeded to split Europe three ways with England and Castile since France sucked balls :emo:

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THE BRANDENBURG SAGA CONTINUES

 

Today's episode features piles debt, a failure to grasp the intricacies of diplomacy, and a lot of staring at the clock. When last we saw Brandenburg, they were facing off with the Pomeranian gang, faithful Bohemia at their side. What followed? A rather silly war.

 

aar006.png

First we took it to the Saxe-Lauenburgs.

 

aar007.png

 

Then brilliantly won our first naval battle.

 

aar008.png

Then took two really strong forts from the Hanseatic League.

 

At this point I realized I couldn't actually negotiate directly with the junior partners in the coalition so I settled for vassalizing Pomerania.

 

aar009.png

aar012.png

 

It seems wars cost lots of money, so for the next 10 years I tried not to upset anyone and also paid back them loans. Then I found a way to upset people!

 

aar010.png

shitty ruler takes over

 

aar011.png

A moment of national pride.

 

aar013.png

 

Meanwhile, Poland!

 

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Eventually, I struck up a war with those pesky folks who backed up Pomerania.

 

aar015.png

 

Liberated Stade as an independent nation (Bremen), took real Bremen for myself and also finally annexed those Saxe-Lauenburgs. This outraged everybody, of course.

 

aar016.png

Even the dudes I liberated.

Edited by Soggyfrog
  • I'm with stupid 1

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POLAND IS LESS AND LESS FUN WITH EVERY NEXT EU

 

In vanilla 3 you had to be super careful to snatch provinces off evenly matched neighbours while keeping Lithuania happy, by httt the lithuanian alliance was basically unbreakable, and in 4 you get a very strong starting economy that, together with bro Lithuania, allows you to field literally the largest army in the world within 20 years and go facetank France

 

At least the Ottomans have distinctly better troops and don't cave in to every invasion from Europe anymore :!emo:

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> complains that his eastern european country of origin is too strong in the newest game

 

you're doing paradox nationalism VERY wrong

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WHILE WE'RE ON THAT TOPIC

 

the dutch navy is insane, +100% naval forcelimits and another +33% due to the Dutch Republic form of government = enough light ships to literally funnel all the trade from the east indies to america and then to europe for all the profit in the world

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I managed to get the following screenshots from the game:

 

 

Telling Austria to fuck off

Iron Curtain War

Peace offer with Austria

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Highlights:

 

-Raider backstabs DF, is reduced to one province

-Raider backstabs DF, is annexed

-AI inherits Raider's lands, Raider dies

-40,000 peasants protest Raider's terrible rule, Raider dies

  • I'm with stupid 2

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GLORIOUS EUROPE:

 

2013-09-16_00003.jpg

 

Deef - The Hansa

Veggie - Hesse

Soggy - Wurttemberg

Raider - Brandenburg Bavaria Trier

 

Soggy has the most provinces and is the only one with a decent route for expansion on land, I have a large navy and dito trade income, and Veggie has enough coasts to colonize but is also the emperor. We're all protestant and forced all the other electors to be too in order to take the emperorship from Austria (which at one point was huge AND looked like it was going to inherit hungaria and poland).

 

Elpea also played for like 10 years as Burgundy, but apparently the few conquests he made then were enough to make Burgundy an unstoppable machine that completely destroyed france.

Edited by Darkflame

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