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Shuskee

Game of Thrones - bad tv for bad tv watchers

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re: teleporting, I think they just got sick of being all "omg it takes so long to get everywhere", or maybe they suck at showing the passage of time. Jon has clearly been gone for months and it's becoming a problem, but Sansa whining is literally worse than you know who, so they couldn't show it.

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yeah

 

at least until dany's last second rescue mission which was the worst thing in the rich history of tv which includes dexter's latter seasons' parenting, and also dany and jon's shitty nascent romance

 

and also dany's fucking winter dress lmao

 

but yeah it was enjoyable, only in the "previously on game of thrones" sequence they showed that bit from season 1 and I remembered when this show was really great tv and I got sad :emo:

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holy shit

 

everything about this was so stupid and contrived

 

teleport gendry --> teleport raven --> deus ex dragona --> i don't even need to explain how stupid this is right

 

I AM LEGIT SAD BECAUSE THIS USED TO BE A GOOD SHOW

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This show is terrible now, sorry folks. And the terribleness really hits home when you have to sit through ninety minutes of it without any cool battle scenes.

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la critique:

 

- the negotiations were annoying because they were similar on the surface to the early seasons when there were actual stakes and tension. the difference being in early seasons shit made sense and now everything is stupid

- how did euron know to feign desertion the moment he saw the wight if they hadn't known beforehand that they were going to be shown a wight. euron did you read the script

- cersei why did you even tell them you were going to go north, if you told them you were just going to truce out it would buy you more time

- cersei still carried the king's landing plot because she's the last bit of this show showing any signs of life

- winterfell shit was so fuckign stupid I'm not even going to bother

- except I'm going to ask why are you executing people in the main hall. you now got blood all over the floor. this is how you get ants.

- snow over king's landing would have been a really great scene if not preceded by 4 seasons of utter fucking stupid

- the undead crossing the wall would have been a really great scene if not preceded by 4 seasons of utter fucking stupid

- theon ~finding his courage~ scene was almost monstrously horrible but then it ended with an ineffective kick to the balls and was actually sort of neat. shusky seal of guarded approval

- FINALLY AND MOST BADLY: with jaime leaving king's landing, the characters are now finally split neatly into two tidy camps, the good guys to the north and the bad guys to the south. it took benioff and weiss 7 seasons, but they finally managed to twist the material far enough off course to miss its entire goddamn point. I'm no longer puzzled why are the latter seasons so bad, I'm now confused how did the early seasons manage to be good.

 

also I'd write something on how the entire jaime and littlefinger plots over the past 4 seasons have been a monumental waste of time but we sort of knew it all along so

Edited by Shuskee
  • I'm with stupid 1

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GUYS BAD SHOW IS BACK FOR THE LAST TIME

and episode 1 suggests that they possibly want to take the last season to some non-bad places, but by now I'm conditioned to expect all this conflict to be inanely resolved by episode 3

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I frankly thought that daenerys would have signed like a whaling ban with tiny lady mormont by now so any tension at all is welcome

please do not point out that this tension is 900% ridiculous and will lead nowhere due to an incoming army of deep-frozen dead

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luciano [14:05]
 well

I fell victim to fan service
seeing Brienne get knighted melted my cold heart for those few mins

  • Dugong 1

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it's okay sir we've dispatched a cruiser the fun police will be there shortly to make sure you're not enjoying this show

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Also they're making the big battle in episode 3 out of 6, gee I wonder if the night king wins.

And adding to predictability, as soon as Tyrion asked if anyone would sing a song, my wife goes "Pod's going to sing and he's going to have the voice of an angel"

Also idk if they're trying to make Bran sound wise and just failing miserably or he's acting perfectly and he's supposed to be a super cringy edgy teenager.

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Honestly I think the characters are just as confused and humored as we are

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yo I have RUMINATIONS wrt last episode

ON BATTLE TACTICS:

  • do you guys understand the concept of a castle. it's a structure with walls and you can use the walls to gain considerable tactical advantage over a numerically superior enemy, which means you don't have to fight them outnumbered in the open field. like this is literally the idea behind having a castle :psyduck:
  • okay maybe your mangudai and your coxless phalanx aren't into defending castles, but in that case wouldn't it be better to actually not have them there at all, considering their corpses are just going to add to enemy numbers :psyduck:
  • hey if you have a flaming ditch maybe put the phalanx behind it not in front of it, so that it breaks the enemy's charge and also doesn't block off your retreat???????? :psyduck:
  • you can use the walls to shoot arrows from!! like when they're just standing in front of the ditch. that would have been a great moment to fire arrows at them. and not order dudes to man the walls only after the ditch is breached :psyduck:
  • I thought that the entire battle plan, which took thirty seconds to plan out in the previous episode, was to bank on luring the boss to bran. why did the two dragons, capable of doing 5000% more damage than everything else combined, instead fuck off to keep the boss away from bran for as long as possible :psyduck:

ON WRITING:

  • so maybe if you're going to have a pointless extended scene with arya re-enacting the jurassic park kitchen scene by trying to avoid like ten undead, you shouldn't have directly preceded it with a scene of her easily soloing like twenty other undead
  • whew I'm glad that nobody of consequence died in this climactic battle of this anyone-can-die show other than the people who were clearly always going to. other than, like, tiny lady banterbury
  • the night king's death was like monumentally stupid? I guess the entire bran storyline was leading to him just sitting under the tree and predicting that arya is going to jump and stab a guy. great situational awareness, by the way, by the 80 mini-bosses observing this in a tight circle
  • are we seriously expected to care about Endgame Villain Creepy Uncle Greyjoy after this

ON NEAT THINGS:

  • that wide shot of shiny cavalry charge suddenly stopping at a wall of darkness was super neat, and so were their lights dying out! wish I didn't have to focus on the stupidity of this to enjoy it
  • jorah was about to have a shitty last conversation with dany, but then remembered that everyone gets it and just died instead. what a legend
  • lmao @ dead starks rising in the crypt
  • if it wasn't for the king's shitty death, the entire final five or so minutes would have been amazing. also imagine if this was an ending to a show that kept being non-stupid like in season 1. like it would have ruled and now I'm pissed
  • Dugong 1

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