Hello, an UPDATE from the PEASANT LEAGUE FINAL:
Arsenal: We are now in the peasant league final! This is a wonderful opportunity to climb the class pyramid to petit-bourgeois league, even after we managed to lose 18 games in a row in the league.
Azerbaijania: Welcome to Azerbaijania, the world capital of peasantdom! You are welcome as long as you do not bring any Armenians. If you do, we might decapitate them with axes, which is literally what we did to some dude a few years ago.
Mkhitaryan: But I'm an Armenian.
Azerbaijania: Everything will be fine. Our ambassador will officially guarantee your safety, as long as you don't say or do the wrong things, which we shall leave unspecifiably open.
Arsenal: This is unacceptable! But no problem, Mkhitaryan has been a crock of shit ever since Jose Mourinho said nasty things about his socks. Instead, we shall play club legend AARON RAMSEY in his position.
Ramsey: Alas, I cannot play, for I have been cursed with periodic muscular explosions since 2005. It's like menstruation, but different.
Arsenal: This is unacceptable! But no problem, you are leaving us for a real football team soon anyway. Instead, we shall play Erdogan legend MESUT OZIL in his position.
Mesut Ozil: This is good. I will play football for you. You know I am king of assists.
Arsenal: You have three assists this season.
Mesut Ozil: It is no problem. Three is very high number.
Arsenal: Alexis Sanchez has four.
Mesut Ozil: Mein Gott, I am a horrible footballer.
Olivier Giroud: Don't worry guys, SLEEPER AGENT GIROUD will miss every single Chelsea chance and then turn my face towards the camera in theatrical agony. And then Arsenal will win the cup 0-1 in penalty kicks and I will rejoin the club just like we planned!
Arsenal: Listen, we told you this before, you are not a sleeper agent. We broke up.
Olivier Giroud: *turns towards camera in theatrical agony*
29th May, Noon PST / 3pm EST / 9pm I guess Warsawtime??? simulwatch bitches